Making Love to Albo
There is an old saying. There are three people you never want to imagine having sex. Your parents. Your children. And Gladys Berejiklian.
Now we have another contender. Albo got up and finished fourth!
We all thought that Albo’s last remaining bit of sexual business was to screw the taxpayers of Australia.
But no, Kylie is in the frame as well. If his few-months-old marriage ever goes “tits up”, he wants to shag Kylie. This all came to light in an interview Albo recently gave to a comedian, Nikki Osborne. Yes, he knew the mic was hot. And this all took place at the Lodge, the Prime Minister’s official, taxpayer funded, CGT-free residence. (Whatever JFK got up to in the Big House, at least he never shared his private life on national TV).
And I thought it was only the country that was going tits up.
Albo shared information that most of us would regard as “too much”.
Between all the not-so-serious chatter, Osborne and Albo played a game of the classic Aussie pastime ‘shag, marry or date’.
Host Osborne asked the PM: “Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman or Rhonda Burchmore?”
After a brief pause, Mr Albanese tried to play things safe, saying: “I’ve just got married, I’m only six months in ...”
But Osborne was having none of it, and she quickly fired back: “But if it goes t*ts up?”
“Kylie, clearly,” he replied.“You’d marry Kylie? And shag her? And date her?” questioned the host.
“All of the above,” Mr Albanese said, letting out a little giggle. “She’s terrific.”
There was also mention of Albo shagging the missus “after the footy”. A Souths win is “always a good aphrodisiac”, the PM noted. Even though we have Rabbitohs fans in our family, I will, from this moment on, be barracking for whoever is playing Souths. Every week. For the rest of my life. The triggering resulting from any Souths victory would just be too much, otherwise. Some things you cannot unsee.
See the full interview”, if you aren’t squeamish, and if you must.
I had never heard of Nikki Osborne before. Mercifully, perhaps. Her future guests beware:
Osborne has amassed a following of over a million fans on social media, and her new series with Nova will see her also interview the likes of Larry Emdur, Manu Feildel, Steph Tolev, Colin Fassnidge, Michael Wipfli, Osher Gunsberg and Colin Mochrie.
Some interesting names, right there. Never heard of most of them. They ain’t household names in my world, alas. God knows who Osher, Fassnidge and Wipfli will come up with, favourite shag-wise. If asked.
Speaking of Albo. This is the same guy who recently said in parliament:
“With some of these algorithms coming through, we’re seeing increased presentations in our hospitals of young women who have been choked, strangled. We see anal tearing growing at an extraordinary, horrific rate because what too many young men are seeing online is normalising behaviour that is anything but.”
Anal tearing as not “normal behaviour”? So says one of the champions of gay marriage. Oops.
This is also the same guy who sneered at John Howard in 1998 that he lived at home till he was thirty-two – since many Australian thirty-two year old men now still live at home, JWH might be said to have merely been ahead of his time – that he listened to Pat Boone and attended Saturday night church hall dances.
https://insidestory.org.au/the-making-of-a-prime-minister/
The 1990s. They were the days, when politicians (generally) were not low-rent bovver-boys and had a little class. I know, we did have Paul Keating, back then. I was thinking more of Howard.
Albo is now an embarrassment. At least the “coarse” US President – just ask Greg Sheridan or any number of never-Trumpers – doesn’t share these sorts of details on national television. Even a “whisky-fuelled” interview. In the age of AI fakery, you would have to wonder – did this really happen?
Perhaps these are the ravings of one who knows he won’t ever be having to face another election. God knows which of his (credibly accused) insider trading Cabinet colleagues will be lining up to take over when he inevitably departs the amateur theatre stage.
Who is the luckiest person in Australia? No, not Jodie Haydon. She would be, surely, the unluckiest. No, the luckiest would be Carmel Tebbutt, the former Deputy Premier of New South Wales, and, for a leftie, seemingly a nice person. Albo’s ex. She escaped the prick. In every sense of the term. 2019 was her annus mirabilis.
Kylie might see herself as in that frame, too. Or, maybe not. Yeah, nah. Who wants to be outed as the subject of the fantasies of ageing politicians? Ironically, Kylie did once sing about being lucky in love.
She should be so lucky. Lucky. Lucky. I am guessing she didn’t have Albo in mind when the disc was pressed. Her first UK hit was released in 1987, when she was nineteen, nine years before Albo even appeared on the parliamentary scene. She would have had no idea (clearly) then that, 39 years later, she would strike it so lucky… lucky … lucky.
Apparently, Minogue regards the late Michael Hutchence as the love of her life. Among a pretty long list of contenders, I am guessing. I am quite certain that Albo isn’t in the running.
Meanwhile, in very, very unfortunate timing, there is this:
‘We’re in love’: Man charged with stalking Kylie Minogue’s family
A Melbourne man has been charged after allegedly bombarding Kylie Minogue’s family with disturbing texts, gifts, and wild claims that he was in a romantic relationship with the global pop icon.
Source: the paywalled Herald Sun, 4 July 2026
See also:
Attractive pop icons don’t need sex pests.
All in all, it has been a grisly week, Albo-wise. His maladroit sex confessions have been variously called “bizarre”, “gross”, “sickening” and “cringeworthy” in the paywalled Murdoch media.
Unbelievable. If only he had adopted his usual approach of dodging questions when confronted by Nikki Osborne.
You don’t want to combine being laughed at with being regarded as “gross and sickening”. Especially when you and your shambolic government are right in the middle of seriously pissing off millions of voters. As per Danger Dan.
Magoo, indeed.
And Square Head thinks that Pauline Hanson is the one not fit to govern Australia. Oh dear.
Footnote. Last night the Panthers beat the Rabbitohs 36-14. Lucky Jodie. Lucky, lucky, lucky.
Paul Collits
4 July 2026
Very funny. What a creep we have for our PM.
We know fellows like Albanese, office pests and worse if they can get away with it.
Now we have Prime Pest.